You're not going to believe this, but the little boy in the front is 11 years old. I didn't believe it and made Bertin show me his forms.
Amena showed up to the teenage support group by accident!
Isn't this great?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I hope the kids are as cute in the pictures as they are in real life
Deborah--I wish I could take her home with me. She had the most electrifying personality. This picture was taken at the WE-ACTx clinic in the room where we play with the kids.
You're not going to believe this, but the little boy in the front is 11 years old. I didn't believe it and made Bertin show me his forms.
Amena showed up to the teenage support group by accident!
Isn't this great?
You're not going to believe this, but the little boy in the front is 11 years old. I didn't believe it and made Bertin show me his forms.
Amena showed up to the teenage support group by accident!
Isn't this great?
As I approach the final week in Rwanda, I feel as just now getting to know the "real" Rwanda. I think it is easy to get a superficial impression of any place--but after you get to know people and really talk to them--you learn of a different side. I feel as though the friends I have made are putting their guards down and showing me their true feelings about their lives and Rwanda as a whole. They are more open to me now and so share many of the hardships they experience on a day-to-day basis.
This became especially apparent this past week when something tremendously painful occured to one of my dear friends. Naila, a woman I have mentioned several times before, was hospitalized in critical condition in the intensive care unit.
Naila, as I’ve mentioned before, is a strong, passionate, and determined woman. She is very political and has fought for years for women’s rights and affordable HIV care. She is HIV positive and has not been doing well as of recent. Her CD4 count has been consistently below 200 and she is extremely weak. Her body is not responding well to the medicines. She has lost so much weight and must weight only eighty pounds. Despite her physical condition, she is mentally stronger than anyone I have met. She has been going through a divorce with her husband who was a horrible man. They married in 1993. They were both in Rwanda during the genocide. Naila was in the hospital with a premature baby when President Habyamiana’s plane was shot down (the night the genocide began). She told me about seeing the decapitated bodies of the ten Belgian soldiers who were brutally murdered, as they were brought to the hospital where she was. Her husband, who was a Hutu, paid someone to pick her up in an ambulance. Her baby died and Naila made it to a neighbor’s house where she stayed for a few days. She and her husband hid in the woods and literally walked to RPF controlled territory. I don’t know the rest of the story because it was so painful for Naila to recall the memories. But to return to her relationship with her husband—he started sleeping with other women—raping young girls in exchange for some food or something they needed. Sometimes he would bring the women to his house in front of Naila and their daughter. He impregnated a woman and she gave birth to a son.
Divorce in Rwanda is rare for three reasons (from what I can tell): people here are tremendously religious and would never file for a divorce, but rather would just make the decision to separate; the second reason is that many of the documents that proved that a couple was married were destroyed during the genocide. So, there is no proof that a couple was even married—which makes filing for divorce difficult. Third—historically in Rwanda, when a woman marries a man, she basically becomes his property (even having sex is the husband’s right—hence marital rape here is rampant). So in Naila’s case—the document that proved she and Mohammad (her husband) were married had been destroyed. Additionally, Naila had to prove to the courts that her husband did all of these horrible things, but most of the case was “he said/she said”-there was little physical proof (except for the illigitimate child, which is pretty substantial!). Her husband also has a tremendous capacity to lie. So, in order to prove that she and her husband had been married, Naila had to write a petition and have the respected elders in the village sign that they had in fact been married. Then came the court trials. Many people discouraged Naila from going through with the formal divorce because it would be so difficult--she was risking so much by going through with the divorce. After Naila moved out of the house that she shared with her husband (for the reasons stated above and also because he was physically abusive) she was on her own. Mohammad did not work and depended on Naila’s tiny salary. Friends of Naila from the U.S. paid for her to rent a house, where she and her daughter Nadia lived. Her husband threatened to take both houses and Nadia, and so Naila felt there was no other option than to go through with the divorce. Mohammad, from what I hear, is misogynistic and arrogant and thought there was no chance that Naila would win the case. After months of trial, the verdict was read this past Wednesday. Naila received full custody of Nadia and the house! It really was incredible news. Alice went with Naila to the court and told me on Thursday all about it. She said that when the verdict was read, Mohammad looked as if he was going to explode. He called Naila on the phone right after and was terrorizing her, saying that he would rather die than live without Nadia (the daughter) and other things that Alice could not repeat. Alice told Naila to contact the local authorities as soon as she returned home and to tell them about her situation. When Naila returned home, Nadia was not there. Naila realized that her ex-husband had taken her to his home, which is very close to Naila’s house. So Naila went with the local authorities to Mohammad’s house and as soon as she got there, he stabbed her multiple times with a machete. He tried to stab his daughter and the authorities but they managed to run away. He stabbed Naila in the head, several times in the abdomen, and in the leg. Then he stabbed himself. Naila was rushed to the hospital and underwent two surgeries—brain surgery and surgery to her liver and intestine. He also went to the hospital but suffered more superficial wounds.
We didn’t hear about this until Friday morning when a WE-ACTx patient, a neighbor of Naila’s, told one of the WE-ACTx counselors. They knew none of the details. Alice and I went to the local public hospital to see if she was there. We called a doctor friend who works there and he took us to the ICU. There, we learned what had happened and saw her. It was without a doubt the most shocking, gruesome, and depressing thing I have seen in my life. Naila was on the bed, curled up in a ball and she looked so small. She was naked and her head was shaved. She is a devout Muslim and so this made it even worse. She had thick, bloody bandages all over her body and tubes everywhere. The good news was that she could talk. Although most of her sentences were incoherent (either delirium or from the brain damage), I thought it was remarkable that she was able to speak. She cried when she saw us. It was so sad. I could not have prepared myself for seeing her in that condition. The hardest thing for me was thinking about what she has already endured in her life—surviving the genocide-- witnessing countless murders and walking over the dead bodies, living with her husband who terrorized her (both physically and mentally) for years, and living with HIV. Why must she be put through something more?
Nadia, her daughter is OK but as you can imagine, she is traumatized. She doesn’t show or express her emotions that well under normal circumstances and so it is especially hard to read her now. One of the trauma counselors from WE-ACTx went to talk to her at the hospital and Nadia told her that she was fine. The trauma counselor is worried about her and will continue talking with her, hopefully in a more formal setting, where Nadia may feel at ease to let go of what she is feeling. Nadia actually went to see her father in the hospital yesterday. This is something about Rwandan culture that I will never understand. Jean, another WE-ACTx intern, went with her. Nadia and the father talked almost as if it was normal. In the past, Nadia has always somewhat resented Naila. When her parents were together—they lived in a middle class neighborhood and both were professionals. I’m not sure of the details but the father must have lost his job and I’m not sure what happened to Naila—but I’d imagine her deteriorating health condition played a part. When Naila finally decided to leave her husband—she was forced to buy a new house. She had very little money and so she and her daughter moved into a very poor, dirt house with no electricity or running water. During this time, her house was broken into and all of her belongings were stolen. Nadia preferred to be at her father’s house; despite the way he treated her mother. I don’t mean to make Nadia out to be a spoiled girl, because she is not. She is only eleven years old and could not even begin to understand the complexities of her parents’ relationship.
So I’m thrilled to report today (Tuesday) that Naila is doing so much better. It really could have turned out differently. I am amazed at her strength despite her physical size and weaknessdue to HIV. I have witnessed her progression and each day she gets better and better. Today when I saw her, she was out of the ICU and could talk coherenlty. In addition, she can somewhat walk. Nadia was by her side today. It was so sweet to see them together. She does not want to leave her side now. She has had so many visitors—everyone from the clinic, family from other provinces, and friends. Something that surprised me was that her ex-husband’s sister came to visit. She sat right next to Naila’s family and things appeared to be pretty normal….I was afraid a fight or something might break out, but they just sat peacefully next to one another. I think this is something about Rwandese culture that I will never understand.
To switch gears, I held the teenage focus group on Sunday morning. I met ten girls ages 13-18 at the WE-ACTx clinic (which is empty on Sundays). Naila typically talks to the girls about the issues in their life and so originally was going to translate for me—but clearly the circumstances did not allow for this. Alice offered to help me out. The girls also feel very open and comfortable around her. It has been so much fun getting to know the teenagers. I love the little kids because they are adorable and sweet, but I feel like I am able to connect with the teenagers on another level. Over my seven weeks here, they have really opened up and become so much more open with me. In the beginning they were reluctant, as teenagers often are, to really let down their guards. But now I can tell that they are opening up and being real. I think they like me (not to make too much of a self call) because I really try not to be condescending in any way and often make a huge fool of myself (like when I try Rwandan traditional dancing or sing…ouch)—but I think it makes them feel more comfortable. Once everyone was there, we started the group. I had never led anything like this so I was a bit nervous and had no idea if I was doing anything right!! I had prepared many questions under different categories but decided as we started to just kind of go with it and see where their responses took the discussion. To begin, I assured the girls that their responses were confidential and that everything that was said among the girls had to also be kept private. I thanked them a million times and told them that I hoped they could be open discussing such personal issues. The goal of the focus group, I told them, was to identify the problems adolescent females with HIV face in their lives and to develop programs in WE-ACTx to address these issues. I wrote a survey to obtain background information on the girls—the questions were very personal and I thought it was a good idea for them to fill out the survey so that it was completely anonymous. I had the survey translated and they answered the questions in Kinyarwanda, so I am having them translated (back into English) this week. I asked questions about living with HIV, sexual history (including if they or anyone they know has been sexually assaulted), if they have witnessed violence before, and questions about general feminine issues. I am eager to learn the results.
This is a picture of us at the clinic on Sunday
I began the discussion with a question that wasn’t too personal—to talk about the good things and hard things about being an adolescent female in Rwanda. I was surprised by how many girls were eager to respond. What I realized is that even though all of the girls were HIV positive, they lived their lives like typical teenagers. They explained that most of the time, they kind of forget they are infected. I asked many other questions—about the stigma, relationships, who they talk to, responsibilities in their lives, their futures, and what things they would like out of WE-ACTx. I found their answers to this last question to be particularly rewarding. They all agreed that having the support group was one of the best things in their lives. It is the only time that they are free to be open about their HIV. They like having the support of all the kids who are also HIV positive. They explained that they wanted more opportunities to get together with each other outside of the Sunday support group—movie nights, trips to different areas around Rwanda, etc. Something I found particularly troubling is the lack of food. The girls explained that was the biggest problem they faced in their lives. They eat on average one meal a day—sometimes two, sometimes zero. The girls also carry substantial responsibilities—not only must they care for their HIV, but they must do well in school, cook for the family (most have lost an immediate family member to AIDS, many are orphans, or their parents are sick), think about college, worry about money and whether or not they will eat, and the list goes on. I asked them what they did for fun, and most of them don’t even have time to just enjoy. This is another reason why having more programs for the teenagers would be great.
I could talk much more about this but this posting is getting to be long. I made sure to feed the girls and provide bus money. At the end of the group—I gave them journals with mechanical pencils and inside were letters I wrote to them. They seemed to love the gift. I explained my goal of the journal project and hoped that it would be therapeutic for them. As we were leaving (to go to the children’s support group) Claudine, a girl I have been tutoring in English (she speaks very well) told me how much the girls appreciated having someone that cared about them. Just knowing that someone was thinking about them and that she wanted to help made them feel good.
Today marks my last week in Rwanda. I am working with Alice and the children in the mornings and then will work on my report on adolescent girls with HIV in Rwanda. I've also been designated the WE-ACTx "artist" (this is hilarious by the way) and so was charged with designing the WE-ACTx Family Program Logo and draw pictures for a brochure we are making. Addionally, the OB-GYN from the US (does pelvic exams and cervical cancer screening and removal of any cancerous lesions) arrived yesterday and so I will also work with him this week helping in any way possible, but mostly learning about the different strains of HPV present in Rwanda, cervical cancer, and the gynecological procedures. This weekend I hope to travel with Frank—we may head to the south and walk through a forest that is known to have rare monkeys and chimpanzees.
I am trying to begin the goodbye process and think about how I can leave behind some sort of legacy, so some of the things I worked on here have some permanency after I am gone. The girls and the counselors really want to keep the focus group going-but funding, of course, is an issue. Although it costs only around $15 a week (transportation, food, drinks) there is so little money. I hope that once I write up the report, WE-ACTx will consider offering more events for the teenagers with HIV and also provide them with individual counselors. I will have a hard time leaving certain individuals—Alice, Seraphine (the woman who cooks at the house), Naila and Nadia, Frank, Simon’s family, Flouride, and of course the kids.
I’m excited to return home, though, and am dealing better with my impending departure than I was last week. I hope things are good in your lives and am very much looking forward to seeing you soon.
This became especially apparent this past week when something tremendously painful occured to one of my dear friends. Naila, a woman I have mentioned several times before, was hospitalized in critical condition in the intensive care unit.
Naila, as I’ve mentioned before, is a strong, passionate, and determined woman. She is very political and has fought for years for women’s rights and affordable HIV care. She is HIV positive and has not been doing well as of recent. Her CD4 count has been consistently below 200 and she is extremely weak. Her body is not responding well to the medicines. She has lost so much weight and must weight only eighty pounds. Despite her physical condition, she is mentally stronger than anyone I have met. She has been going through a divorce with her husband who was a horrible man. They married in 1993. They were both in Rwanda during the genocide. Naila was in the hospital with a premature baby when President Habyamiana’s plane was shot down (the night the genocide began). She told me about seeing the decapitated bodies of the ten Belgian soldiers who were brutally murdered, as they were brought to the hospital where she was. Her husband, who was a Hutu, paid someone to pick her up in an ambulance. Her baby died and Naila made it to a neighbor’s house where she stayed for a few days. She and her husband hid in the woods and literally walked to RPF controlled territory. I don’t know the rest of the story because it was so painful for Naila to recall the memories. But to return to her relationship with her husband—he started sleeping with other women—raping young girls in exchange for some food or something they needed. Sometimes he would bring the women to his house in front of Naila and their daughter. He impregnated a woman and she gave birth to a son.
Divorce in Rwanda is rare for three reasons (from what I can tell): people here are tremendously religious and would never file for a divorce, but rather would just make the decision to separate; the second reason is that many of the documents that proved that a couple was married were destroyed during the genocide. So, there is no proof that a couple was even married—which makes filing for divorce difficult. Third—historically in Rwanda, when a woman marries a man, she basically becomes his property (even having sex is the husband’s right—hence marital rape here is rampant). So in Naila’s case—the document that proved she and Mohammad (her husband) were married had been destroyed. Additionally, Naila had to prove to the courts that her husband did all of these horrible things, but most of the case was “he said/she said”-there was little physical proof (except for the illigitimate child, which is pretty substantial!). Her husband also has a tremendous capacity to lie. So, in order to prove that she and her husband had been married, Naila had to write a petition and have the respected elders in the village sign that they had in fact been married. Then came the court trials. Many people discouraged Naila from going through with the formal divorce because it would be so difficult--she was risking so much by going through with the divorce. After Naila moved out of the house that she shared with her husband (for the reasons stated above and also because he was physically abusive) she was on her own. Mohammad did not work and depended on Naila’s tiny salary. Friends of Naila from the U.S. paid for her to rent a house, where she and her daughter Nadia lived. Her husband threatened to take both houses and Nadia, and so Naila felt there was no other option than to go through with the divorce. Mohammad, from what I hear, is misogynistic and arrogant and thought there was no chance that Naila would win the case. After months of trial, the verdict was read this past Wednesday. Naila received full custody of Nadia and the house! It really was incredible news. Alice went with Naila to the court and told me on Thursday all about it. She said that when the verdict was read, Mohammad looked as if he was going to explode. He called Naila on the phone right after and was terrorizing her, saying that he would rather die than live without Nadia (the daughter) and other things that Alice could not repeat. Alice told Naila to contact the local authorities as soon as she returned home and to tell them about her situation. When Naila returned home, Nadia was not there. Naila realized that her ex-husband had taken her to his home, which is very close to Naila’s house. So Naila went with the local authorities to Mohammad’s house and as soon as she got there, he stabbed her multiple times with a machete. He tried to stab his daughter and the authorities but they managed to run away. He stabbed Naila in the head, several times in the abdomen, and in the leg. Then he stabbed himself. Naila was rushed to the hospital and underwent two surgeries—brain surgery and surgery to her liver and intestine. He also went to the hospital but suffered more superficial wounds.
We didn’t hear about this until Friday morning when a WE-ACTx patient, a neighbor of Naila’s, told one of the WE-ACTx counselors. They knew none of the details. Alice and I went to the local public hospital to see if she was there. We called a doctor friend who works there and he took us to the ICU. There, we learned what had happened and saw her. It was without a doubt the most shocking, gruesome, and depressing thing I have seen in my life. Naila was on the bed, curled up in a ball and she looked so small. She was naked and her head was shaved. She is a devout Muslim and so this made it even worse. She had thick, bloody bandages all over her body and tubes everywhere. The good news was that she could talk. Although most of her sentences were incoherent (either delirium or from the brain damage), I thought it was remarkable that she was able to speak. She cried when she saw us. It was so sad. I could not have prepared myself for seeing her in that condition. The hardest thing for me was thinking about what she has already endured in her life—surviving the genocide-- witnessing countless murders and walking over the dead bodies, living with her husband who terrorized her (both physically and mentally) for years, and living with HIV. Why must she be put through something more?
Nadia, her daughter is OK but as you can imagine, she is traumatized. She doesn’t show or express her emotions that well under normal circumstances and so it is especially hard to read her now. One of the trauma counselors from WE-ACTx went to talk to her at the hospital and Nadia told her that she was fine. The trauma counselor is worried about her and will continue talking with her, hopefully in a more formal setting, where Nadia may feel at ease to let go of what she is feeling. Nadia actually went to see her father in the hospital yesterday. This is something about Rwandan culture that I will never understand. Jean, another WE-ACTx intern, went with her. Nadia and the father talked almost as if it was normal. In the past, Nadia has always somewhat resented Naila. When her parents were together—they lived in a middle class neighborhood and both were professionals. I’m not sure of the details but the father must have lost his job and I’m not sure what happened to Naila—but I’d imagine her deteriorating health condition played a part. When Naila finally decided to leave her husband—she was forced to buy a new house. She had very little money and so she and her daughter moved into a very poor, dirt house with no electricity or running water. During this time, her house was broken into and all of her belongings were stolen. Nadia preferred to be at her father’s house; despite the way he treated her mother. I don’t mean to make Nadia out to be a spoiled girl, because she is not. She is only eleven years old and could not even begin to understand the complexities of her parents’ relationship.
So I’m thrilled to report today (Tuesday) that Naila is doing so much better. It really could have turned out differently. I am amazed at her strength despite her physical size and weaknessdue to HIV. I have witnessed her progression and each day she gets better and better. Today when I saw her, she was out of the ICU and could talk coherenlty. In addition, she can somewhat walk. Nadia was by her side today. It was so sweet to see them together. She does not want to leave her side now. She has had so many visitors—everyone from the clinic, family from other provinces, and friends. Something that surprised me was that her ex-husband’s sister came to visit. She sat right next to Naila’s family and things appeared to be pretty normal….I was afraid a fight or something might break out, but they just sat peacefully next to one another. I think this is something about Rwandese culture that I will never understand.
To switch gears, I held the teenage focus group on Sunday morning. I met ten girls ages 13-18 at the WE-ACTx clinic (which is empty on Sundays). Naila typically talks to the girls about the issues in their life and so originally was going to translate for me—but clearly the circumstances did not allow for this. Alice offered to help me out. The girls also feel very open and comfortable around her. It has been so much fun getting to know the teenagers. I love the little kids because they are adorable and sweet, but I feel like I am able to connect with the teenagers on another level. Over my seven weeks here, they have really opened up and become so much more open with me. In the beginning they were reluctant, as teenagers often are, to really let down their guards. But now I can tell that they are opening up and being real. I think they like me (not to make too much of a self call) because I really try not to be condescending in any way and often make a huge fool of myself (like when I try Rwandan traditional dancing or sing…ouch)—but I think it makes them feel more comfortable. Once everyone was there, we started the group. I had never led anything like this so I was a bit nervous and had no idea if I was doing anything right!! I had prepared many questions under different categories but decided as we started to just kind of go with it and see where their responses took the discussion. To begin, I assured the girls that their responses were confidential and that everything that was said among the girls had to also be kept private. I thanked them a million times and told them that I hoped they could be open discussing such personal issues. The goal of the focus group, I told them, was to identify the problems adolescent females with HIV face in their lives and to develop programs in WE-ACTx to address these issues. I wrote a survey to obtain background information on the girls—the questions were very personal and I thought it was a good idea for them to fill out the survey so that it was completely anonymous. I had the survey translated and they answered the questions in Kinyarwanda, so I am having them translated (back into English) this week. I asked questions about living with HIV, sexual history (including if they or anyone they know has been sexually assaulted), if they have witnessed violence before, and questions about general feminine issues. I am eager to learn the results.
This is a picture of us at the clinic on Sunday
I began the discussion with a question that wasn’t too personal—to talk about the good things and hard things about being an adolescent female in Rwanda. I was surprised by how many girls were eager to respond. What I realized is that even though all of the girls were HIV positive, they lived their lives like typical teenagers. They explained that most of the time, they kind of forget they are infected. I asked many other questions—about the stigma, relationships, who they talk to, responsibilities in their lives, their futures, and what things they would like out of WE-ACTx. I found their answers to this last question to be particularly rewarding. They all agreed that having the support group was one of the best things in their lives. It is the only time that they are free to be open about their HIV. They like having the support of all the kids who are also HIV positive. They explained that they wanted more opportunities to get together with each other outside of the Sunday support group—movie nights, trips to different areas around Rwanda, etc. Something I found particularly troubling is the lack of food. The girls explained that was the biggest problem they faced in their lives. They eat on average one meal a day—sometimes two, sometimes zero. The girls also carry substantial responsibilities—not only must they care for their HIV, but they must do well in school, cook for the family (most have lost an immediate family member to AIDS, many are orphans, or their parents are sick), think about college, worry about money and whether or not they will eat, and the list goes on. I asked them what they did for fun, and most of them don’t even have time to just enjoy. This is another reason why having more programs for the teenagers would be great.
I could talk much more about this but this posting is getting to be long. I made sure to feed the girls and provide bus money. At the end of the group—I gave them journals with mechanical pencils and inside were letters I wrote to them. They seemed to love the gift. I explained my goal of the journal project and hoped that it would be therapeutic for them. As we were leaving (to go to the children’s support group) Claudine, a girl I have been tutoring in English (she speaks very well) told me how much the girls appreciated having someone that cared about them. Just knowing that someone was thinking about them and that she wanted to help made them feel good.
Today marks my last week in Rwanda. I am working with Alice and the children in the mornings and then will work on my report on adolescent girls with HIV in Rwanda. I've also been designated the WE-ACTx "artist" (this is hilarious by the way) and so was charged with designing the WE-ACTx Family Program Logo and draw pictures for a brochure we are making. Addionally, the OB-GYN from the US (does pelvic exams and cervical cancer screening and removal of any cancerous lesions) arrived yesterday and so I will also work with him this week helping in any way possible, but mostly learning about the different strains of HPV present in Rwanda, cervical cancer, and the gynecological procedures. This weekend I hope to travel with Frank—we may head to the south and walk through a forest that is known to have rare monkeys and chimpanzees.
I am trying to begin the goodbye process and think about how I can leave behind some sort of legacy, so some of the things I worked on here have some permanency after I am gone. The girls and the counselors really want to keep the focus group going-but funding, of course, is an issue. Although it costs only around $15 a week (transportation, food, drinks) there is so little money. I hope that once I write up the report, WE-ACTx will consider offering more events for the teenagers with HIV and also provide them with individual counselors. I will have a hard time leaving certain individuals—Alice, Seraphine (the woman who cooks at the house), Naila and Nadia, Frank, Simon’s family, Flouride, and of course the kids.
I’m excited to return home, though, and am dealing better with my impending departure than I was last week. I hope things are good in your lives and am very much looking forward to seeing you soon.
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